There have been a lull in my postings over the years. The biggest one was right after the front porch was ‘covered’ but before it was ‘finished’ and screened in. Part of that was because of all of the things that I needed to deal with my mom’s passing and everything that lead up to it…so I may not have added this tid-bit! I may have to go back and see, but I don’t remember making this public.
My mother passed away on April 13, 2016 from Melanoma. We were all there when she left this world…it’s been 3+ years and it still feels like it was yesterday and I miss her like crazy! But anyway…mother’s tree!
The first Mother’s Day after her passing…I barely remember, but 1 year later on Mother’s Day 2017, I really wanted to do something with some of her ashes and our front yard needed a tree where one of the Holly Trees was when I bought the house. So Jen and I set out to find a maple tree that was perfect and we ended up driving all over the county looking for that tree…Baltimore Pike Hillside Nursery, then to Mostardis and then eventually Wedgewood Gardens, where we found our Thunder Cloud Plum Tree.
Over the years, I had planted a couple maple trees, the first one was probably too small when I planted it and the second one, well, turns out I over-fertilized it. So I wasn’t sure anything would take there!
I mixed some of mom’s ashes in the dirt hoping that would help it take…and it makes it literally Mother’s Tree!
This past spring it gave us fruit…well, 1 cherry sized plum. We were told that this tree would only flower and not produce fruit.
It could have been the conversation I was having with Mario yesterday about the court systems making weird decisions about custody agreements and who has to pay how much to care for those kids…or was it going through Tommy’s DVD collection and remembering a couple conversations I had with Judy (that had nothing to do with these thoughts…just a trigger)
I have heard my step-mother say MORE than once….he was raised by wolves. My father is an emotional degenerate because my grandparents were “wolves”…ok, I get he didnt have the best upbringing (heh, the irony)…but tell me that I need to grow up and be a responsible adult. Guess what…I have done that, and that makes me the black sheep! At around 20 years old, I stopped getting into trouble, I worked full time and pretty much paid my own way. So if I take responsibility for my own actions at 20, what is your excuse? You left home at 17, went in the army…but have NEVER taken responsibility for your own actions. You are now in your 70’s and you blame me for our ‘estranged’ relationship. I have tried over the years to get closer to you (and I DO have some great memories from those times)…but over the years, I am the only one in this relationship that has tried to reach out, do some things that we have in common. But it seems that since my mother has passed away, you are even more distant…and you haven’t been with her in almost a half century.
You always made me feel like it was a “package deal”…if you weren’t her husband, then you weren’t our father. and then it was “you kids”, we were never individuals…
I was actually in my late 20’s when I realized that my actions are my own. I started waking up happy and not angry. I started doing things to really improve my life…and those decisions were mine…every day! So wolves…just an excuse for bad behavior!
I let go of trying to have a relationship with you! I do not hate you, I’m not even angry, I just don’t want to put any energy into feeling anything good or bad.